Still, we grow attached to our movie characters. And even though, in the movies at least, when a character dies, they generally richly deserved it, there are some movie deaths that just make you cringe and say, “I’m just glad that wasn’t me.” Here are some of our favorites:

• Carlo getting strangled in The Godfather. OK, it isn’t the most gruesome death, by far, in the movies, but the part we wouldn’t want to go through is the anticipation. This guy knew Michael Corleone was going to kill him for what he did to his sister. And yet, he really had no choice but to get in the car. Knowing he was going to die. Then, when Michael finally convinces him that he isn’t going to kill him, his goon in the back seat does the dirty deed, allowing Michael to keep his word, technically. A distinction that we’re pretty sure was lost on Carlo.

• Boba Fett’s death in Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi. He was there the whole time Jabba went on his rant about how Han Solo and Chewbacca were going to be slowly digested inside the giant sand critter over a period lasting 1,000 years. While we find it hard to believe they wouldn’t just die of thirst in a week or so, it’s still not a pleasant prospect. Can you imagine the sinking feeling when that thing’s tongue wraps around your leg and you know you’re going under? It’s hard to be sympathetic for the guy who turned in Han Solo, but still. 1,000 years is harsh.

• Eaten by giant ants. Can you imagine anything worse? If you’ve seen Indiana Jones IV, you have an idea of what it can look like, and it isn’t pretty. Unfortunately, this death could actually happen-kind of. No, there aren’t giant ants anywhere, but there are driver ants. Also called army ants, these vile buggers can kill a human being. Usually the victim dies of suffocation because the colonies, which can number over 20 million, get into all of the crevices while they’re in the process of rending flesh from your body. Fortunately, they’re slow, so outrunning them isn’t a problem.

We’ve all eventually have to go somehow. Hopefully for you, it won’t be anything like these deaths. But, however you die, make sure your term life insurance is paid up so your family will be taken care of. After all, I’m sure that was on Boba Fett’s mind for 1,000 years.

Photo via Sam Howzit

There are some characters we wish would die. Others we’re kind of glad they’ll live forever. At any rate, here are some of the top fictional characters who really don’t have any need for term life insurance:

• Connor MacLeod. OK, so technically, he can be killed. But only by another Highlander. And even though they live forever, it’s not like you run into one every day. Besides, he’s the hero, so he gets to live forever anyway, right?

• Dracula. He’s been portrayed dozens of different ways in the movies, from bloodthirsty to rather suave, to a tortured soul who just needs some understanding. But as a vampire, he lives forever, as long as he can avoid people with stakes and crosses. Should be simple enough.

• The entire lot of Twilight vampires. OK, they’re pretty much in the same boat as Dracula, albeit with a whole lot of teen angst and a following of teenaged girls. Not only will they live forever, but they stay eternally young enough not to have anyone they really need to take care of. Not a bad gig, when you think about it.

• Jedi Knights. The Star Wars heroes aren’t allowed to get married or be in love. They’re not supposed to have kids, either. Good thing it happened once, though, I suppose, or the original Trilogy, about the adventures of Luke and Leia (Vader’s kids) would never have happened. Still, can you picture Darth Vader discussing his life insurance needs with an agent?

• Gandalf. First of all, he’s a bit of a loner, so there’s really no one to name as beneficiary. And, perhaps more important, when he gets killed he comes back. The only real difference is that his cloak has changed colors. He could probably get a really low rate, though, if the insurance company took that into account.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t live in fictional settings. Most of us have people who depend on us, who would really lose out if we were to die. So, although vampires, Jedi, and the assortment of odd immortals don’t need life insurance, we do.

Photo via Rob Young

• You’re never going to die. If you are in this category, there’s no need for you to have life insurance. You might chuckle, but you’d be surprised how many times in a given week term life insurance agents hear, “I’m not going to die.” If you are in this category, contact us. We’d like to know how to sign up.

• Nobody’s going to care when you die. If you’re in this category, you have a bigger problem than lack of life insurance. Get out of the house and find somebody to be nice to. This category might save you a few bucks in term life insurance premiums, but really, it isn’t worth it.

• The government is going to cover your final expenses. The government pays out less that $300, but hey, if your family knows someone who will cremate you in a burn barrel for that much, you’re good to go.

• You don’t want to think about death. This is understandable. No one wants to think about dying. And who knows, if you don’t think about it, maybe it’ll never happen.

• I’m going to be old when I die. It must be cool being able to know how the story ends while it’s just beginning.

As we’ve clearly shown, there are several very good, sound, logical reasons not to buy life insurance. It all depends on your life’s circumstances. One reason we did not include, of course, was “because I can’t afford it.”

While all of the reasons mentioned are completely reasonable, of course, the idea that you can’t afford term life insurance to cover your loved ones’ needs if you should pass away while you’re reading this using Internet service which costs more than your premiums would be is, frankly, ridiculous. Especially when you consider those whose budgets are tight are the ones who need life insurance protection more than anyone. After all, who would pay the Internet bill if you died?

Never mind. We forgot. You’re not going to.

Photo via ephemera assemblyman

Here are some of the stranger ends that people have managed to meet:

• Aeschylus, the Greek playwright, was killed by a falling tortoise. We don’t know about you, but that’s not something we generally think about when we head off to work in the morning. The story goes that Old Aeschylus was bald and an eagle flying overhead thought it looked like a great place to drop the tortoise it was carrying. While no one else seems to think Aeschylus was a rock head, he certainly found an unusual way to die.

• Daniel Dukes was drifting through Orlando. It isn’t clear why he stopped at Sea World after the park was closed, or why he figured it would be a good idea to try to ride the killer whale. It is clear that he died of drowning and that his blood alcohol level was a bit north of acceptable. It’s also clear he found an odd way to die.

• Leslie Harvey, guitar player for the band Stone the Crows, was playing a gig in 1972 and touched an ungrounded microphone with wet hands. He got quite a shock and never recovered. One year, opening for Led Zeppelin, the next year, a weird footnote in the annals of strange ways to die.

• These days gold in your teeth is in fashion in some circles, but the Roman Emperor Valerian couldn’t see it coming. And he probably didn’t see his cause of death coming, either. Apparently, Valerian was captured in battle with the Persians. When he made an offer for his own release, the Persian Emperor took umbrage, and had molten gold poured down his throat to demonstrate that he had all the wealth he needed. Ouch!

While your chances or being electrocuted on stage, drowning in an orca rodeo, and having your mouth filled with hot gold are fairly minimal, the chances that you will eventually die of something are frighteningly close to 100%.  So, make sure your family is covered with term life insurance. And make sure you look up when you step outside today. You never know where those pesky eagles will drop a tortoise.

Photo via Rennett Stowe

Let’s assume you don’t have relatives who would prefer the check to having you around for a while. Even if we take the money grubbing relative out of contention, there are still plenty of strange ways you can die. And when you add them up to the comparably mundane gamut of heart attacks, strokes, cancers, and other diseases and accidents, they add up to the stuff of water cooler legend.

If you have to die anyway, why not go out in style? While we’re not suggesting that you choose your own method of death, here are some of the more interesting ways you cold make your permanent exit:

• Asteroid. Unless you’re talking about the early ‘80s video game, your chances of being killed by an asteroid are dismally small. The British government actually studied the chances around the time the video game was popular, and came up with the notion that, on average, 1 person on the whole planet will die by asteroid every 7,000 years. So, if you can pull it off, you could become the talk of the whole world. For a day anyway.

• Death by coconut. While somewhat less dramatic, this is entirely more feasible, and should still be good for plenty of laughs from peripheral acquaintances (we hope your loved ones won’t find it funny).  Not only is this more likely than death by asteroid, it also beats out death by shark bite and death by amusement park mishap significantly. Falling at speeds exceeding 50mph, from heights up to 80 feet, those sneaky coconuts manage to take out about 150 people per year.

• Death by falling out of bed. This probably wouldn’t be so funny if it was only older people who died this way, but the statistics show that this cause of death is equally represented across the age spectrum. How exactly the two to three foot fall is causing fatalities, the studies don’t say, which is probably just as well. Let’s just hope it doesn’t have anything to do with their term life insurance beneficiaries.

Photo via Swami Stream

When Animals Attack

Here are a few of the most famous animal murders in history:

• Cleopatra. This is probably the most famous. Depending on which sources you believe, Cleopatra may have induced that Asp to bit her. However, some of the stories suggest that there were two asps, and that she didn’t necessarily antagonize the asp or asps to bit her. No one may really know for sure.
• Aeschylus. The famous Greek author was the founder of tragedy, and only one of three early Tragedians whose works survive. The legend says that an eagle came by, and mistook his bald head for a stone. The eagle dropped a tortoise on his head, killing him. So, the murdering animal in this case was either the tortoise or the eagle, depending on your perspective.
• Alexander I of Greece. No, this wasn’t Alexander the Great. This is just some King that Greece had in the 1920s. He was 27 years old when he died. He was defending his dog from a monkey attack during a walk through the Greek Royal Gardens. He died of sepsis within days of the attack after having been bit.
• Marty Feldman. This Engilsh writer and comedian was famous, in part, for his bulging eyes that were a result of Graves Disease. Feldman suffered a heart attack after coming down with food poisoning from some bad shellfish in Mexico City.
• Joselito Gomez. This famous bullfighter was the son of a matador, and he was the youngest bullfighter to become a matador at the time. He died from being gored by a bull at the age of 25. He’s considered by many to be one of the greatest bullfighters of all time.

Photo via freeparking

Here is a random sampling of folks who went out, presumably, with a smile on their face:

• Atilla the Hun. Arguably one of the greatest conquerors in history, Atilla the Hun met his match in the bedroom. He died of a heart attack while with his wife on their wedding night. (Guys, if your girlfriend is pestering you about getting married, just toss this one out to her and see how she reacts.)
• Nelson Rockefeller. Rockefeller, who was previously a Vice President of the United States, also had a heart attack during sex. Unfortunately for the ex-VP, it wasn’t his wife that he was with when it happened. Instead, it was Rockefeller’s mistress, Megan Marshak. To make matters worse, there is speculation that Rockefeller might have lived if Marshak had called emergency services sooner than she did.
• Pope John XII. This one goes back to 964, so the records are at least a little bit sketchy. What is known is that this pope died either while or shortly after having sex with someone else’s wife. There are conflicting stories as to whether it was a heart attack during sex or whether the Pope was beaten to death by the woman’s husband.
• Michael Hutchence. We could probably list David Carradine in this spot. We suppose it depends on whether you’re more a fan of INXS or Kung Fu. Regardless, each of these guys were found in their hotel room naked with a belt around their necks. In both cases, the deaths were ruled suicides, but many experts suggest that the actual cause of death was autoerotic asphyxiation.
• Felix Faure. Faure was once the President of France. He died in his office receiving oral sex from his mistress. The mistress continued her trade, however, and became mistress to several other famous French men after he died.

Photo via rochelle, et. al.

The Great Pyramids and the Sphinx

Time to knock out one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The pyramids will leave you speechless as you sweat your rear off. Take plenty of sunscreen and water, as this will be a full day trip of roasting in the desert. You get bonus points if you can name the Kings that reside in each pyramid. Don’t forget that the Sphinx is one piece of rock. How did they get all that rock there anyway?

Take a trip to Stonehenge

Stonehenge is one of richest archaeological sites in the world. Stonehenge resides in Salisbury Plain, Wiltshire, England. Stonehenge is most famous for the large rock pillars that form circles. There are more structures here though. Check out a few of the Neolithic and Bronze Age sculptures.

Go see Nessy at Loch Ness

Loch Ness is one of three lochs located in Great Glen. Loch Ness also happens to be the largest of the three lochs that divide the North of Scotland.

Loch Ness comes steeped in controversy as well. Many believe an ancient dinosaur resides in the loch as well. Many photos and videos litter the Internet as proof of the creature’s existence. There has been no concrete evidence of this creates existence though. Who knows, maybe while you are there you will find the evidence the world has been waiting for.

Climb to the top of the world and hit the Incan Ruins

Machu Picchu is home to the lost city that hides out high in the Andes Mountains. Incans lived in this city for less than a century. The city was lost for hundreds of years. A university expedition discovered Machu Picchu in 1911.

Machu Picchu also offers up a wealth of history. Just outside of the ruins, you will find sites like the Sun Gate. The Sun Gate is a notch cut out in a mountain ridge that perfectly frames the rising sun during specific times of the year.

Check out the Gold on that pavilion

Completely covered in gold is what defines The Golden Pavilion in Japan. You read that right; the entire pavilion runs in river of Gold. In 1950, a Buddhist novice burned this landmark to its very foundation. It took less than five years for the pavilion to get the resurrection treatment. Look for the phoenix on the roof while you are there snagging pictures.

Just because you have a term life insurance policy does not mean you should stop seeing the world and all of its splendors. This is a tiny list and the world is a large place. Use this list as a starting point and leave those thoughts of term life insurance blowing in the jet fumes of your departure.

Photo via zimpenfish

Water Drunkenness

Drowning ranks right up there with suffocation as one of the most feared ways to die. Did you know that you could drink so much water that you can die? A prime example of this comes from 2007. A radio show was holding a contest by the name of “Hold your wee for a Wii.”

During this contest, a woman had agreed to drink as much water as possible in order to compete in the contest. She drank a lot, pinched of the need to pee for as long as she could. Upon completing the contest, the young mother collapsed. Hyper Hydration was the cause of this poor woman’s death.

Volcano Diving

History has a way of proving just how vulnerable humans and their belief systems can be. Back in the year of 430BC, a Greek philosopher by the name of Empedocles decided to test his belief system. You see Empedocles figured he was an immortal, a god among men if you will.

Empedocles decided to prove his point he would jump into Mount Etna to prove his godly status. Empedocles believed that reincarnation awaited him upon hitting the molten lava. His theory went up in smoke that day.

Laughing yourself to death

Ever hear a joke that you could not stop laughing at. You might think twice the next time. Back in 1599, a Burman king laughed himself into his grave. He was informed that Venice was without a king. Nanda Bayln began to laugh at this idea. He laughed, laughed, and could not stop. Nanda eventually fell over dead.

The real culprit was most likely a brain hemorrhage he suffered during his laughing spat. Laughing to death sounds more glamorous though.

Gluttony is not just for the movies

You will know all about eating yourself to death if you have watched the movie Se7en. For those who have not watched this movie, let’s have a chat about overeating. The body can only handle so much food. After one passes this threshold, the body decides that meal will be your last.

A Swedish king did not take note of this limitation. King Adolf Frederick consumed a feast one night. When he went to bed, he complained of stomach pains. A few hours later, his life had ended.

Watch the evidence in court

A lawyer representing a defendant in the murder of Abraham Lincoln proved just how deadly evidence can be. The lawyer was trying to prove a point on how Abraham Lincoln might have shot himself. He picked up a pistol from the evidence table, held it to his head, and pulled the trigger. The one thing the lawyer forgot to do was check if the gun was loaded.

The next time someone tells that downright hilarious joke, you just might think twice before you laugh to hard. This list is not to stop you from having fun in life, just know that death is watching you. Go get that term life insurance updated before Mr. Death claims you.

Photo via Shiny Things

The simple art of cooking
Going out to eat everyday will be a big no no here. It might be nice, but you could make it even nicer by cooking a meal or two on your own. Start out small and work your way up the difficulty ladder. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of blue box mac and cheese with your hot dogs.

You can take this to the next level by having dinner parties. If you live in an area that suffers the brutal grasp of winter, make some picnic foods and go out on that first warm and sunny day. Cooking does not always have to be hard work.

Travel the world
You can finally go see the Great Wall if you want to. You have put in your time, done your term life insurance chores. It is time for you to go out and see the world. Retirement is the perfect time to travel.

Now that you are not bound to a time clock, you can more easily look for great travel deals. You can take that weeklong whale-hunting trip in Alaska you have always dreamed about doing. No matter how you shake a stick at it, there is more out there to see than the dull lighting of what used to be your office.

Photograph all those special things
Photography is a great way to get outdoors. This one simple activity is full of exercise and discovery. You won’t even have to worry about your term life insurance agent flipping out over this activity.

Most photography stores have classes for all experience levels. Learn how to capture all those items that you find so beautiful. You can even print and frame your work. Just because you may be a novice does not mean you cannot create beautiful works of art.

Volunteering is full of win
Volunteering is one of the best ways to get outside of the house and meet new people. Churches, soup kitchens, charities, and even schools all welcome a free hand. Money is nice, but a set of helping hands can go a long way in this financially strapped world.

Kick back and relax
There are days that just call for a good book. Grab your favorite book, lie down in the hammock, and enjoy the day. This is even a good time to catch a bit of shuteye. Taking time for you is the key to keeping yourself centered and happy.

Just because you have a never ending Saturday does not mean you should just sit around. Keep active, see the world, and enjoy that retirement. You could even become friends with your term life insurance agent and show them how awesome your cooking has become.

Photo via Lucy Boynton